Dropping Some Knowledge.

Little known fact:

The official start of summer does NOT come with the Summer Solstice (June 21 this year), as the calendars claim. Contrary to popular opinion, it does not coincide with the last day of finals. It is not when the sun finally stays out for more than two days in a row and the weather grows (magically) warmer, or when people start flocking back to the beach, or when students start waking up at noon instead of 9 AM, or even when they start playing The Sandlot over and over on ABC Family again.

No- much like how the Christmas season starts when KOIT decides to start playing Christmas music nonstop, the summer season officially begins when I start bumping my summertime playlist in the car.

Ladies and gentlemen: today was that day. Summer starts now.

…You know, because I get to decide things like these.

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Now playing: A B & The Sea – Yellow Haired Girl
via FoxyTunes

This is why I should be in charge.

People need to start making food taste proportionally equivalent to how it affects our health.

Like, candy and junk food should taste terrible instead of delicious, while vitamin supplements and brussel sprouts and especially this Theraflu I’m taking right now should taste awesome.

Instead of tasting like barf.

Just saying.

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Now playing: Vampire Weekend – Horchata
via FoxyTunes

Yes, I’m Talking to You, Wu Tang.

I will be the first to admit that I am not the smartest man in the world, or the most perceptive. I am far from either, actually. And I am okay with the certainty that it is highly improbable that I will ever be able to reach those heights of intelligence and intuition.

You understand these shortcomings of mine, right? You do? Then please, world… make music that makes sense to me. It’s all I ask.

I mean, enough with all this super cryptic metaphoric crap.

Seriously.

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Now playing: Ghostface Killah – All That I Got Is You
via FoxyTunes

We are most definitely not in this thing.

And realistically, no matter what the stats or the standings (or the Giants’ PR team) have told us, we haven’t been in the playoff hunt since August 24th. Yeah. That game. Since after last night’s loss we are now almost completely mathematically  eliminated from the playoffs as well, the proper procedure is to retreat, regroup, and rethink toward next season, allowing our young talent (Posey, Bumgarner, Runsler?) to gain some valuable big-league experience by putting them in some meaningless big-league games while contemplating some upper management decisions for the next year.

If I were Bill Neukom, owner of the Giants, I would tell my general manager Brian Sabean (whose contract is up for renewal at the end of the season) that if he wanted to keep his job after several less-than-stellar transactions over the past few years, he will need to do the following:

1) stop sucking at his job

2) learn what OBP is and why it is important

3) build a time machine and use it to go back to last winter and un-sign Edgar Renteria

…then go back to last last winter and un-sign Aaron Rowand

…then go back to last last last winter and un-sign Barry Zito

…then go back to last last last last winter and un-hire Bruce Bochy

…then go back to the winter of 1955 and make sure George and Lorraine McFly meet and kiss at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance to preserve history.

And then maybe… just… hang out there for a while? In 1955, I mean. Y’know, so he won’t give Bengie Molina that two-year extension or sign Jason Bay to the 6-year/80 million dollar contract this summer.

Problems solved. Playoffs here we come.

Now… somebody play Buster freakin’ Posey already.

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Now playing: Chiddy Bang – Because
via FoxyTunes